Spotting Dimes & Avoiding Mailboxes

 

A LasikMD and ME Follow-up
Lets start with the main point of this article:
I'm fine. My vision has improved, and will continue to improve over the next few weeks and months. So for those that were worried sick about me all day, and simply couldn't perform your daily tasks,
you can rest easy now.

My day began with 2 Sausage McMuffin's. There are better ways to start your day, but since I would be at the eye clinic for upwards of 5 hours, and I've pretty much been reduced to protein shakes for breakfast and lunch of late, this was a nice change. So, really, there wasn't much of a better way to start my day.

We arrived at the eye clinic at 8:30, right on time, but waited outside for the doors to open with other 8:30 clinic goers. One lady must have thought they were selling Play Station 3's inside, as we walked around to kill time, she set up camp right infront of the door.

The doors open and the gauntlet begins.

1 - Recheck Prescription and Measure Pupils - Is this better, or is this better? A or B, B or C... I did all that last Monday, this time the guy showed me a giant "C" "D" on the board, even without glasses I can see that... gheesh. Well turns out that CD is what is known as 20/200 vision. Apparently you people with 20/20 vision would be able to see that CD another 180 feet behind where I would be standing, and for that I hate you. He then flipped a few prescriptions just to confirm that B was better than A, and D was better than E, and we move on.

2 - Sign Waivers & Insurance, Long Term Eye Drops and Payment - The payment process was the most painful part of the entire day - HAHAHAHAHAHAH, god I'm hilarious. A few Jon Hancock's here and there, and a swipe of the debit card and stage two is nearly finished. To finalize this stage I was offered a Valium, to settle my nerves before the operation (for those that know me well, you know things like this don't bother me, I have a pretty good defense against anxiety and was feeling perfectly calm) with that said I just dropped 2 grand and was going to take anything I possibly could from these people, make em work a little harder, walk an extra mile. So I took the Valium, 3 pens, a pencil and a staple remover, fuck'n A!

3 - The Second Waiting Room - Ooooooh, upgrade. Here I was being herded into a smaller waiting room facing 5 16' Mahogany Doors. Behind 4 of them were surgeons, behind the 5th was a crazy man from Hostel... That would be cool! Anyway in reality 3 of them were operating rooms. 1 was a viewing room, and 1 was another general check-up room. I got to thinking if there was a 15' doctor who worked there, or why they would require such huge menacing medieval doors. Perhaps they were intended for those whose sight was really bad. My Valium and I came to the conclusion that there is probably pretty big equipment behind these doors, and  since 16' doors would make moving my sofas easier, then perhaps 16' doors were actually required. I felt pretty proud of myself for coming to that conclusion, but after looking around the waiting room there were no high fives at half mast, so I grabbed a 5 lb hardcover '50 Years of Sports Illustrated' book, score! Take your time doc.

4 - "Greg" - I was beckoned. It's the surgeon. I recognized him from the 6 page resume I was handed last Monday. Through door number 1 I went. A quick scan of my eyes by the main man, and then his 15' assistant had me lie on by back and prepare to be lasered. (common...big equipment? Way off).

Side Note: STOP SLEEPING IN YOUR CONTACT LENSES



 







Luckily technology has improved since this picture was taken. And luckily Stanley Kubric was not in charge of my operation, he must have been behind door #5.

5 - Burnt Toast - Of all the non-waiting stages this was actually the quickest. Within the first minute, both eyes received numbing drops,  my left eye was taped shut, and my right eye was about to have a mini-lawnmower run over it. It wasn't the best feeling I've ever had. Did it hurt? Kinda, or perhaps a better term would be it was uncomfortable. But really this process lasts less than 20 seconds, which is still 5 full minutes less than a Michael Richards stand-up act. So, in other words, it was tolerable. Stare at the red light Greg, we're going to 'initiate the Lay-zhers', clicking noises insued, the fine aroma of burning hair, and badda boom, we're done. See above, but for my left eye. A total of about 5 minutes. A quick sit down at an eye scan, the surgeon was pleased. Then he taped me up and I sat in the dark for 5-10 minutes. A nurse removed my tape (truthfully the most painful part, one clean motion my ass), she added some drops and I return to the first waiting room. Another more thorough chin on the strap stare at the light test, another 1 minute, and "Okay, Greg - go home. We'll see you tomorrow". On my way out I pocketed some cotton swabs, and an extra pair of sunglasses. Oooh yeah.

 

My Vision:

It was better immediately. And has only progressed throughout the day. When I returned home I slept through the drug wear off faze, including the eye freezing,  woke up and added some medication, and back to bed. When I woke up this time, I did what any self respecting post-Lasik patient who just woke up and hadn't tested the vision yet would do. I turned on my bitty bedroom television. And I'm guessing you know exactly what channel I turned to...? Common, it's obvious? Where would you turn your television to test your vision? You got it! CP24. Once my eyes got use to the added light in the room I had myself a little pop quiz.

Longrange Forecast: 10 Degrees on Sunday. 5 points
Time/Date: WED NOV 22, 16:44:09. 8 points
POP%/Barometer: POP 0%, Barometer 103.4 kPa 10 points

The big test:
Stock Market. Stock Initials, Shares, Trading and Price. Check, Check, Check, and oh yeah, Check. 100 Points.

I took this test last night and failed miserably, so I guess that means I pass. Its really something. I'm writing this from my livingroom where a 50" LCD television resides. So CP24 isn't the same quality test. But let me tell you, even on this TV things were difficult, not any more. I would say it feels like I have my contacts in...but I don't. Yeah me!

Conclusion - It was a good process. It was simple and quick. I heard of many people with far worse prescriptions, people who can't even go to the bathroom at night without their glasses getting this surgery done. That is a life changer, for me it's just an awesome perk. I would recommend this to anyone who's ever considered it. It's not cheap, but for me it came at a fairly good time in my life to afford this process. I can say however that it's as good of a thing as any to save your money for. I will keep you updated as things move on. My vision is supposed to continue to improve over the next 2 month - better than this? Fuck'n A!

PS - It's going to be 10 on Sunday, so get some fresh air, it could be one of the last nice days we get for a while.