I'm Rich! w/ Commentary

Bri's post, and my boredom have lead me to think this would be much more enjoyable to read if I were to share my thoughts as we go along. Shall we:

DR MARK WHITE
(ooooh...a doctor, better listen up)

BANK OF AFRICA
(I've heard of Africa...seems strange to have an entire Continent governing bank, but hey why would a doctor lie )

BURKINA FASO
OUAGADOUGOU_BURKINA FASO
(looks like authentic African writing to me, a click or two would have been nice )

DEAR FRIEND,
(Name's "Greg" fuckstick, it's probably written somewhere on the imaginary files on your imaginary desk in your made up bank)

I KNOW THAT THIS MAIL WILL COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE. I AM THE BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER IN BANK OF AFRICA BURKINA FASO. I HOPED THAT YOU WILL NOT EXPOSE OR BETRAY THIS TRUST AND CONFIDENT THAT I AM ABOUT TO REPOSE ON YOU FOR THE MUTUAL BENEFIT OF OUR BOTH FAMILIES.

(All CAPS? WOW I'M REALLY INTERESTED NOW! And don't worry you contacted me in the safest most secure way to my hotmail account, why would I betray that sanctity?)

WE NEED YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN TRANSFERRING THE SUM OF $22.5MILLION IMMEDIATELY TO YOUR ACCOUNT. THE MONEY HAS BEEN DORMANT FOR YEARS IN OUR BANK HERE WITHOUT ANY BODY COMING FOR IT.

(URGENT? Well thank the holy sweet grail this didn't get caught by my spam protector)

WE WANT TO RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU AS THE NEAREST PERSON TO OUR DECEASED CUSTOMER(THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT)WHO DIED A LONG WITH HIS SUPPOSED NEXT OF KIN IN AN AIR CRASH SINCE JULLY 2002.

(JULLY? As in Peanut Butter and Jully? Anyway, I wonder which multi-millionaire Uncle of mine that traveled to Africa in 2002 he would be talking about? Real head scratcher)


WE DON'T WANT THE MONEY TO GO INTO OUR BANK TREASURY AS AN ABANDONED FUND. SO THIS IS THE REASON WHY I CONTACTED YOU, SO THAT WE WILL CAN RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU AS THE NEAREST PERSON TO THE DECEASED CUSTOMER. PLEASE WE WOULD LIKE YOU TO KEEP THIS PROPOSAL AS A TOP SECRET AND DELETE IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED.

(Top Secret? Would it be okay if I told my family my Uncle is dead?)

UPON RECEIPT OF YOUR REPLY, I WILL SEND YOU FULL DETAILS ON HOW THE BUSINESS WILL BE EXECUTED AND ALSO NOTE THAT YOU WILL HAVE 30% OF THE ABOVE MENTIONED SUM IF YOU AGREE TO TRANSACT THE BUSINESS WITH ME, 10 % WILL BE SET ASIDE FOR EXPENSES INCURRED DURING THE BUSINESS, I WILL NOT FAIL TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS HITCH FREE AND THAT YOU SHOULD NOT ENTERTAIN ANY ATOM OF FEAR.

(How the hell are you going to ring up 2.5 million dollars in expenses in Africa sending me a wire transfer. What is happening to the other 60% you slimy bastard...I'm starting to think you're not even a real doctor. )

I EXPECT THAT YOUR REPLY FOR MORE DETAILS IMMEDIATELY YOU RECEIVE THIS LETTER.

YOURS FAITHFULLY
DR MARK WHITE

(Dear Dr. Mark,

Well the caps lock got me interested and the poor grammar pushed me over the top. I'm curious as to what is going to happen with the extra 60% and who benefits from the interest you've accumulated on 22.5 million since 2002, but paying you 2.5 million for contacting me seems fair. On second thought Mark, may I call you Mark?, donate the money, all of it including your commission and interest to an Aids/Africa foundation near by, I'm sure the "BANK OF AFRICA" knows of one, my uncle would have wanted it that way. Just be sure to email me my tax credit.

Your's Not so faithfully, "Friend")