Result: Zero Points, sort of:

13 months ago, I got a speeding ticket - technically my first ever. Did you guess what possible situation would make me of all people want zero points instead of 3 or 4? If you guessed because points against my driving record due to a parking ticket is bad, well then you're a fucking liar. But that's beside the point, and today was decision day...

For those that have ever driven with me, you'll probably be surprised to find out that I've only ever received this one speeding ticket. There was that time in High School where I got pinned going 130+ in an 80 nearing dusk on good old Carrying Place Road... but when my I pulled into a nearby golf course parking lot as the cop finally caught me, I told the officer a friend and I had to squeeze in a quick nine. He, luckily a golfer, more than understood and let me off with a warning. I had no intention of golfing and would have had to "rent" clubs if he actually searched my car - but it worked like a charm. After waiting 5-10 minutes in the parking lot for the Cop to disappear, I decided to stick to my plan of not golfing and was off again. Since then, I've been pushing the envelope with my need for speed. Figuring I was +1, I owed one back.

I made it nearly another 10 years, including 2 years where I had a company car with a company gas card. And if you ever drove in that van with me, you'll know the only thing faster than my speed was my amazing ability to honk at someone who irritated me for whatever stupid thing they were doing at the time as I passed them. That was until the week after i returned that company van driving our old sunfire and was returning from visiting my sick mother - in a very rare, take my time, no need to rush ride home. Gerrard East, between Parliament and Carlaw is one of the dirtiest stretches of Toronto - good old Regant Park, where apparently the Speed Limit is 40. To be honest I can't believe 40 actually exists anymore anywhere, but this is one of those places where the government forces you to drive slow - perhaps to take in the glorious view of all their rent controlled, welfare receiving upstanding citizens. Anyway, this is also where Mr. Wiggum set up his speed trap. And although I was being passed at the time of the ticket by another driver, and the other driver thought it was him who deserved the ticket and also pulled over (I agreed it should have been him) it was my license plate on the yellow slip when all was said and done. Total Damage 72 in a 40... Ha, I parallel park at 72...brutal. But apparently nearly doubling the speed limit is worth close to $300 and 4 demerit points.

So I went home, wrote a check and that was that...

Yeah right. I was quickly on the phone with a friend of mine who as a profession fights traffic tickets - sweet. He was probably wondering why I wanted to bring him out for a few beers, but he came along without much of a fight. 13 Months ago he entered my ticket into the system and I was queued in line for trial. 13 Months have gone by, and today was trial day.

I didn't actually attend the trial - my people were handling it for me - but it went quickly, and interestingly good & bad. The defense began arguing my case, talked about whatever it is they talk about, blamed some crap on the "system" that it's been 13 months yadda yadda, and before he was finished, the Judge agreed. He dismissed my ticket, and I won the case. Yeah!!! Oh shit wait...

You see if this was the judge that presided over the OJ case, the juice would be in jail. But thanks to equal hearings, both sides of the system must be heard - enter the ill fitting glove. Or to clear up my analogy a little better for you when my case was dismissed, the prosecution was a little miffed that they were not heard from. And apparently my friend, and the "crown" had some heated words as an appeal was promised to be filed. Damn.

Gee Greg, this post is getting a little long, why don't you wrap it up? Hey, why don't you get back to work you son of a bitch and stop worrying about the length of my posts!

Anyway here's the details going forward. The appeal hearing will take roughly another 8-10 months to be heard. And as you can imagine, the appeal will be won by Obi Wan Matlock who's worried about his win/loss ratio. So in 10 months from now, when D.A. Ben wins his appeal they will set a new trial date to rehear my case. And assuming that is another 8-10 months,with some quick arithmetic, carry the one it's a total of roughly 30 months to make a final ruling on my need for speed. 30 Months? A bit of a time waster, but with that process comes some good news. You see, it's law in this fine country of ours that a traffic infraction may only appear on your permanent record for a total of 2 years...or 24 months. And for some unknown reason those 24 months start on the date of ticket issue, NOT the date of ticket conviction. So even if I lose my case - it doesn't matter, at least to me. I'm scott free, no fine, no points, no fuss, no muss. The system works!

Look out world, I'm now +2.