Here's Proof I'm Smarter Than You:

Oops, I did It Again; No Underwear

I was thinking about another classic big post ready to go on on this topic, but really I don't care enough. If this were 2001, you would be reading for days, multiple articles, looking at various close-ups, side views, and video clips; but it's not. Things have changed drastically, both from a 'Me', and a 'Her' standpoint. I feel as though we've grown apart the past few years, nobody's fault really, just bound to happen. And even though I hold no morals on my posts on this site, I will not subject you to any direct material NSFW (not safe for work for you computer newbies). I will however link you directly to various NSFW pictures and clips, that you are then responsible for, and this is one of those times.

So like Niagara Falls, Gone with the Wind, and The Paris Hilton Sex tape, this is one of those things you should see at least once in your life. If for nothing else, to see what all the fuss is about.

EDIT - My Last Link was Censored. Click the picture = Remove the Star
Link To The Goods
Option 2
Option 3

Random Movie Review

V For Vendetta

You ever finally give into a movie that you had very little interest in seeing only to find out that not only wasn't it as bad as you thought, but that it was actually quite good? Well then you're a liar. I do that all the time. My latest submission, V For Vendetta pleasantly surprised.



V4V is the first movie for the Wachowski Brothers since finalizing the Matrix Trilogy. They carry over a few of the same unique slow-motion camera angles that made them famous and put together a solid movie that contains all the elements of a good action movie - Cool fights, things blowing up, and a hot chick...and plot, acting, story yadda yadda. The main character, aptly named "V" is a very interesting character, he is far from Keanu Reeves as "The One", but pretty damn cool none the less. He is the center of a captivating action scene that rivals any of the fight scenes the Matrix has to offer, and that is saying something. Natalie Portman plays Evey, and fills the 'Hot Chick' requirement for a good action movie nicely. Instead of telling you about her character I'm going to show you two V for Vendetta Promotional pictures:



Picture 1 is a great reason why she makes my laminated list of Hot Women, filed under /Hollywood/Actress/Current/2006/November/ Women_Named_Natalie/Natalie_Portman... but picture 2 confirms why she belongs. Picture 2 has her head shaved, and looking drastically different from the Natalie we know and love, yet there she is, pulling it off without a hitch still looking all delicious. What does this have to do with the movie, you say? Well, I would ask you keep all questions until the end of the post. Thanks.

V for Vendetta is not the best movie I have ever seen, but it is far from the worst. I'll save that for another post where I may not be nearly as nice with "Stuart Saves His Family". My only guess is this is one of those movies that got skipped over at Blockbuster, or passed on at the theater, after all that's what I did. So I'm glad I finally watched this movie, it's good enough, it's smart enough and doggone it, I liked it.

Dear Ted,

Ted Rogers Jr. pictured here is a man you know, or at least you should. Most of you reading this pay him hundreds of dollars a month - A MONTH. And what does he do for you? He provides you with grief, headaches and as mentioned a smaller bank account.

Dear Ted... may I call you Ted? Never mind, for $200+ a month I'll call you Ted (enter Teddy KGB Russian Accent from Rounders) "...Venever Za Fack I pleese". "Dear Ted" will be a regular post here at T.I.C.S. , updated from time to time as a way to tell the world what is currently wrong with the Rogers Corporation.

Now because of the fact that Rogers owns basically everything Canada has to offer, there will be some of you who work for Rogers. Perfect! All the more reason to complain about why you hate them. So in the comments section, vent. Let us know what is currently bothering you about them, and the next time I think of something, I will formulate a new "Dear Ted"

Allow me to start:

"Dear Ted" - 20 Million for Frank Thomas? Hey I have an idea, pay me 300,000 grand for that same time frame. I'll play just as many games, and probably hit for the same average.

"Dear Ted" - If I ever meet that snivley nosed stool pusher that you call a customer service representative, you know the guy: "I'm sorry I didn't catch that" or "How can I assist you" - He's as good as dead... DEAD!

No Blog For You!

If you read my Heroes article, and did any of the following 3 things:

1) Laughed
2) Watched Heroes on Monday
3) Wish you had watched Heroes from the beginning

And did not comment, you've been banned. 3 WEEKS!

Spotting Dimes & Avoiding Mailboxes

 

A LasikMD and ME Follow-up
Lets start with the main point of this article:
I'm fine. My vision has improved, and will continue to improve over the next few weeks and months. So for those that were worried sick about me all day, and simply couldn't perform your daily tasks,
you can rest easy now.

My day began with 2 Sausage McMuffin's. There are better ways to start your day, but since I would be at the eye clinic for upwards of 5 hours, and I've pretty much been reduced to protein shakes for breakfast and lunch of late, this was a nice change. So, really, there wasn't much of a better way to start my day.

We arrived at the eye clinic at 8:30, right on time, but waited outside for the doors to open with other 8:30 clinic goers. One lady must have thought they were selling Play Station 3's inside, as we walked around to kill time, she set up camp right infront of the door.

The doors open and the gauntlet begins.

1 - Recheck Prescription and Measure Pupils - Is this better, or is this better? A or B, B or C... I did all that last Monday, this time the guy showed me a giant "C" "D" on the board, even without glasses I can see that... gheesh. Well turns out that CD is what is known as 20/200 vision. Apparently you people with 20/20 vision would be able to see that CD another 180 feet behind where I would be standing, and for that I hate you. He then flipped a few prescriptions just to confirm that B was better than A, and D was better than E, and we move on.

2 - Sign Waivers & Insurance, Long Term Eye Drops and Payment - The payment process was the most painful part of the entire day - HAHAHAHAHAHAH, god I'm hilarious. A few Jon Hancock's here and there, and a swipe of the debit card and stage two is nearly finished. To finalize this stage I was offered a Valium, to settle my nerves before the operation (for those that know me well, you know things like this don't bother me, I have a pretty good defense against anxiety and was feeling perfectly calm) with that said I just dropped 2 grand and was going to take anything I possibly could from these people, make em work a little harder, walk an extra mile. So I took the Valium, 3 pens, a pencil and a staple remover, fuck'n A!

3 - The Second Waiting Room - Ooooooh, upgrade. Here I was being herded into a smaller waiting room facing 5 16' Mahogany Doors. Behind 4 of them were surgeons, behind the 5th was a crazy man from Hostel... That would be cool! Anyway in reality 3 of them were operating rooms. 1 was a viewing room, and 1 was another general check-up room. I got to thinking if there was a 15' doctor who worked there, or why they would require such huge menacing medieval doors. Perhaps they were intended for those whose sight was really bad. My Valium and I came to the conclusion that there is probably pretty big equipment behind these doors, and  since 16' doors would make moving my sofas easier, then perhaps 16' doors were actually required. I felt pretty proud of myself for coming to that conclusion, but after looking around the waiting room there were no high fives at half mast, so I grabbed a 5 lb hardcover '50 Years of Sports Illustrated' book, score! Take your time doc.

4 - "Greg" - I was beckoned. It's the surgeon. I recognized him from the 6 page resume I was handed last Monday. Through door number 1 I went. A quick scan of my eyes by the main man, and then his 15' assistant had me lie on by back and prepare to be lasered. (common...big equipment? Way off).

Side Note: STOP SLEEPING IN YOUR CONTACT LENSES



 







Luckily technology has improved since this picture was taken. And luckily Stanley Kubric was not in charge of my operation, he must have been behind door #5.

5 - Burnt Toast - Of all the non-waiting stages this was actually the quickest. Within the first minute, both eyes received numbing drops,  my left eye was taped shut, and my right eye was about to have a mini-lawnmower run over it. It wasn't the best feeling I've ever had. Did it hurt? Kinda, or perhaps a better term would be it was uncomfortable. But really this process lasts less than 20 seconds, which is still 5 full minutes less than a Michael Richards stand-up act. So, in other words, it was tolerable. Stare at the red light Greg, we're going to 'initiate the Lay-zhers', clicking noises insued, the fine aroma of burning hair, and badda boom, we're done. See above, but for my left eye. A total of about 5 minutes. A quick sit down at an eye scan, the surgeon was pleased. Then he taped me up and I sat in the dark for 5-10 minutes. A nurse removed my tape (truthfully the most painful part, one clean motion my ass), she added some drops and I return to the first waiting room. Another more thorough chin on the strap stare at the light test, another 1 minute, and "Okay, Greg - go home. We'll see you tomorrow". On my way out I pocketed some cotton swabs, and an extra pair of sunglasses. Oooh yeah.

 

My Vision:

It was better immediately. And has only progressed throughout the day. When I returned home I slept through the drug wear off faze, including the eye freezing,  woke up and added some medication, and back to bed. When I woke up this time, I did what any self respecting post-Lasik patient who just woke up and hadn't tested the vision yet would do. I turned on my bitty bedroom television. And I'm guessing you know exactly what channel I turned to...? Common, it's obvious? Where would you turn your television to test your vision? You got it! CP24. Once my eyes got use to the added light in the room I had myself a little pop quiz.

Longrange Forecast: 10 Degrees on Sunday. 5 points
Time/Date: WED NOV 22, 16:44:09. 8 points
POP%/Barometer: POP 0%, Barometer 103.4 kPa 10 points

The big test:
Stock Market. Stock Initials, Shares, Trading and Price. Check, Check, Check, and oh yeah, Check. 100 Points.

I took this test last night and failed miserably, so I guess that means I pass. Its really something. I'm writing this from my livingroom where a 50" LCD television resides. So CP24 isn't the same quality test. But let me tell you, even on this TV things were difficult, not any more. I would say it feels like I have my contacts in...but I don't. Yeah me!

Conclusion - It was a good process. It was simple and quick. I heard of many people with far worse prescriptions, people who can't even go to the bathroom at night without their glasses getting this surgery done. That is a life changer, for me it's just an awesome perk. I would recommend this to anyone who's ever considered it. It's not cheap, but for me it came at a fairly good time in my life to afford this process. I can say however that it's as good of a thing as any to save your money for. I will keep you updated as things move on. My vision is supposed to continue to improve over the next 2 month - better than this? Fuck'n A!

PS - It's going to be 10 on Sunday, so get some fresh air, it could be one of the last nice days we get for a while.

Save The Cheerleader...

For starters, I’m in favour of saving all cheerleaders. You can say I’m “pro-cheerleader”. If cheerleaders formed a union, and held rallies, there would be a good chance I would be in attendance, and / or accept their invitation to be a guest speaker. Perhaps even sing rally songs: “How many road games must a cheerleader walk too”. But that is neither here nor there. There is one cheerleader in particular who needs our help.

Save The Cheerleader…Save The World.

Her name is Claire Bennett. Claire just happens to be the key to prolonging human existence. For those of you who are wondering what the fuck I’m talking about, and wondering exactly how sick I actually am, I’m referring to this seasons #1 new television show, Heroes (NBC, Mondays @ 9pm, PVR necessary for MNF watchers). It's a pretty cool website, click the link and check it out.




Background:



Heroes is a television show based around the fact that among us, “Heroes” or as some may call them mutants live freely, each very similar in appearance but containing special powers. Some may refer to it as NBC’s version of X-Men, but for the most part – our star characters are much less conspicuous then the X-Men. Our heroes are all only recently discovering their powers – the reason for such is they must learn their powers in unison, and unite as one force to combat Sylar, the main antagonist who we’ve yet to be formally introduced. It appears Osama…oops, I mean Sylar finds a way to set off a nuclear bomb within New York City and change human existence. Why would he do such a thing? Why not. You see Sylar appears to have many abilities, a combination of all of the current hero’s abilities, except one – Claire’s.

Save The Cheerleader... Save The World

So here we are, just in time for November sweeps, we find out the fate of our cheerleader friend Claire – for now. Why is she so special you ask? Her ability is much simpler to understand then most, except the guy who can fly that’s not too tough to grasp – you see Claire can not be injured, or killed, at least by any known force. Enter Sylar. If Sylar can acquire Claire's ability, presumably by killing her, the little bitty nuclear bomb can’t hurt him. Ooooh! I get it now.

Why Do You Care?

For a #1 show, I don’t know anyone who’s watching it. It’s one of those shows that would make for excellent water cooler chat. Is that still a saying? Anyway, I’m in for the long haul now – and although it’s about as badly acted as any show can be – I’m in. And thank goodness that somewhere, even though I don’t know anyone, someone’s watching this show. After “Smith” got yanked after it's marathon 3 episode run (I can’t wait for the behind the scenes DVD Box Set), and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip's inability to find a devoted audience, I finally found a new winner. I’ve heard people who actually own PVRs saying I don’t have the time for a new show. Well to that I say bullshit. You’re simply not trying hard enough.

Save The Cheerleader... Save The World

LasikMD and ME

 

The first letter is always E, that much I know. From there it gets fuzzy - literally. I'm not a major risk to brush my teeth with superglue, or walk through the 'don't walk signal' into rush hour traffic, but even a slight vision problem can be a major hassle. I have a -2.25 Left and -2.00 Right nearsighted prescription - what does that mean to normal people? - it means a few things. It means I see slightly better with my right eye than my left. But it also means I see far worse than the normal person who would be a zero prescription - the larger the negative numbers, the worse I see things from further away. Numbers in the 2's are not so bad, but I've had enough.

A Brief History:

My last set of contact lenses (Acuvue Advance w/ Hydraclear) were supposed to be created by God himself, but that I found out was false advertising. They were less than user friendly, and needed to be replaced far too often - and to top it off, were responsible for a pretty serious and disgusting eye infection - mmm puss. I was not the only person I know to develop said puss due to these contacts - the worst part - 6 Months cost a couple hundred dollars.

Due to my puss, and the $$$, I've put off buying another 6 months of contact lenses. I've resorted to my eye glasses that are now 8 years old, and contain a prescription far from that of my own in 2006 - but they do slightly make things better. It was time however to get back to my routine, meaning re-buy contacts, my old brand, and updating my spectacles to properly reflect my worsening disability. And unless things have changed the past 8 years regarding eye glasses, there is another few hundred dollars that I would need to spend, just to continue living with my crappy vision. So lets parlay that money not spent on work arounds and find a better permanent solution...

The Solution:

On Wednesday, one week from today, I will opt for elective eye surgery at LasikMD in Scarborough. My consultation was Monday - a couple hours of tests, pupil measurements, cornea thickness evaluations and me generally guessing R's that were actually P's and C's, that to most, were obviously O's - and one that I don't care how good your vision is you still fuck up V's instead of Y's &  visa-versa. Anyway, it turns out I'm eligible for the surgery, and want it done sooner than later - hence me going under the knif...the laser!, on Wednesday.

Aftermath:

As of next Wednesday afternoon, I should naturally see better than I currently do with my glasses on - although that's not saying much. A few eye drops here and there over the course of the week and I should acquire superhuman eye sight - or at least normal human eyesight. I will be sure to let you know how it goes.

Worries:

I'm actually looking forward to the procedure, or at least the first few minutes when the surgery is finished. I have the most decorated surgeon in Canada performing my operation, so that's a tick in the plus column. I only imagine his joke at this point is that he can do this operation with his eye's shut. I'll take his word for it and dare him to do it on the next guy.

 

See you soon.

Additcting Game Alert: Double Wires

Double Wires at Rubytooth Games

The floppy stick man returns to the flash game world, but this time with a mission. Get as far as you can before you die. It's basically like SpiderMan, but with better acting and stunts. Use your mouse to send one of, or both of his wires to latch onto safety, and do so as far as you can. You will get very good at the layout eventually, and soon find some short cuts and learn evasive maneuvers. And if you're anything like me, it will kill 3-4 hours a day at work. Good Luck - Post your best scores in comments. I know two people who have soared past 600 Yards.

Want To Feel Old?

The animated show "The Simpsons" is now legal gambling age and can vote; 18 years young. And is only a few short months away from being able to Drink Alcohol. To explore the classic "wow that makes me feel old" expression, lets allow the Simpson's to grow up:

Abe "Grandpa Simpson - Died 11 years ago at the ripe old of 90. R.I.P Grandpa.





Homer Simpson is now 55 years old, divorced 5 years ago and is dying of both prostate cancer and radiation poisoning. Years of mistreating his body have caught up to him, Doctor Hibbard (Now nearly 70) gives him only a few months to live.


Marge Bouvier (Formally Simpson) is 53 years old, still lives at 739 Evergreen Terrace with her Sisters. Since the divorce she's been happy, however does still visit Homer from time to time during his passing hours

Bart Simpson now 28 years old, serves proudly for the American Army, and is currently stationed in Afghanistan.

Lisa Simpson is currently 26 years old and lives in Maryland, close to D.C. She is working on her doctorate. She still visits both Parents regularly, and makes a big effort to write Bart weekly.

Maggie Simpson is now 19 years old. A bit of a partier, sex, drugs and rock and roll - typical 19 year old College Behavior.

I recall being in grade school watching this show, and I'm sure I'm not alone. The other day I got to thinking about what would happen if they aged - and how old they would be. Turns out, thinking that way made me feel old. How about you?

Thoughts In Cyberspace is Born

Liz and I have decided to join the ranks of blogdom. It appears this "Internet" thing is not going away, and our brilliant insights and quirky comments simply need to be shared. Or at least have the illusion of being shared. So stay tuned - because this is the Blog to end all Blogs - or at very least give you one more blog to check and whine about not being updated while you're bored. Enjoy.

PS - The difficulty with the "Blog", isn't deciding what to write about, but simply what to call it and where to place it. This name is temporary for now, maybe it will stick, maybe not. Time will tell. For now however, we've at least got something.